


The Unthinkable Act

by TheScribbler



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-11 12:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8979262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheScribbler/pseuds/TheScribbler
Summary: A visit to Delia's turns Patsy's world upside down.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After a year of reading other people's work, I have decided to flex my writing muscles!

The key slipped into the lock with ease. Ever since being given a key, Patsy knew that this was the place where she belonged. It had been 6 months after they met, when Delia had taken such delight in wrapping the key as a gift and presenting it to her. Patsy smiled at the memory. Delia had given such a grand speech about the importance of the parcel and her feelings for Patsy, that a house key seemed almost an anti-climax. Patsy had been sure that she was to open the box to find an engagement ring. Her relationship anxieties flooded to the fore. This was too soon. Should they get married? Maybe they should. Perhaps they could wait? In the space of a second Patsy had worked through a dozen scenarios in her mind, finally settled on saying yes to Delia but with the caveat of a long engagement. The puzzled expression Patsy had given at opening the box worried Delia, who quickly became flustered and started rambling about understanding if it was too early in their relationship to take this next step. Patsy started chuckling at the confusion and after inwardly sighing with relief, abated all fears by kissing her girlfriend deeply. Afterwards, they laughed at the incident and Patsy realised then, that everything Delia did, she did wholeheartedly and passionately. Including getting a key cut. 

 

Patsy turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door slowly, her hands were full with overnight bags and shopping. Delia wasn’t expecting her today, but a cancellation of the overnight course Patsy was supposed to attend, had meant giving the brunette an unexpected visit. Remembering her work schedule, she knew that Delia wouldn’t be home from work yet and so thought she would surprise her with dinner. Delia had been working additional shifts over the last month to induct a new member of the team; so the two hadn’t seen as much of each other as they’d have liked. The hallway that greeted her was dark and her eyes started to grow accustomed to the gloom. Unusually there was a light coming from the top of the stairs. In haste, Delia must have forgotten to turn it off as she left for her shift, mused Patsy as she hung her coat on the wooden stand by the front door. As she picked up the numerous bags to make her way through to the kitchen, at the rear of the house, she stepped on something. A T-shirt. She picked it up and examined it. It wasn’t one of hers or Delia’s. How odd. Then suddenly she heard a muffled noise. She froze. It sounded like it came from upstairs. She tilted her head listening. Adrenaline spiking through her. Only silence. Then another noise. This time it was more familiar. 

Thoughts flashed through Patsy’s mind. Why would Delia be home and the house be dark? Was she ill? The sing song welsh laugh she heard in the distance, behind an upstairs door told her otherwise. She had only been in the house a matter of moments but gradually a scene was unfurling in front of her. One she didn’t want to look at. One she never thought she would see. Her eyes widened at what she saw. Clearly, trailed up the staircase were discarded clothing. Items removed at intervals, pauses in their owner’s amorous traverse towards the summit. Patsy dropped the bags, her stomach lurched at the thought of who was at the end of the clothing trail. To compound the feeling of nausea, she then heard two distinct voices. A light familiar lilt that made her heart constrict as it responded to a lower, but feminine, giggle.

 

She paused, locked in a battle of wills. Part of her wanted to flee and block out what she had experienced but the other needed to see what was happening with her own eyes. Not Delia. Not her Delia. As she placed a foot on the stairs she heard a groan. Ice ran through her veins hearing the guttural moan of another woman. Oh god. Her body felt numb as it moved on autopilot up the stairs she knew well. Delia’s stairs. Stairs that Delia had dragged Patsy up so many times before. Stairs that her clothes had been discarded on before. Now someone else was where she should be. Frantic thoughts raced through her mind. Who was she? How long had it been going on? What had she done wrong to push Delia away? She didn’t think her heart could take the emotional assault that was awaiting her but she was pulled onwards by the indescribable force that binds people. Her love was being shredded with every finger nail being run down Delia’s arching back. Every whispered word of endearment erased by each kiss placed on Delia’s skin. Griping the bannister, she hauled herself up the last few steps, tears already blurring her vision. She locked onto the bedroom door, slightly ajar. A strip of light was shining out ready to illuminate her worst fears.

 

Falling against the wall outside Delia’s room, Patsy tried to block out the sounds that were emanating from within. Passion. Raw emotion of two people new to each other’s bodies. Frenetic lust, that was all consuming. Drawing herself up to the crack in the door, Patsy wiped her eyes and willed herself to look. Her line of sight was obscured but she could clearly see two people unaware of her presence. A slim, toned woman sat straddled, writhing against a responding body. She bit her lip in pleasure, flicking her blonde hair over her left shoulder, as a hand came up to cup her breast. She threw her head back and moaned at the sensation, as her nipple was pinched and teased between expert fingers.  
Shuddering with shock at the graphic scene before her, Patsy turned and stumbled down the stairs. The image of Delia’s hand eagerly enjoying another woman was seared into her memory. Delia did everything with passion and this was no exception. Patsy’s arms flailed in front of her trying the grasp something to ground her to reality. It couldn’t be happening. This was unreal. Silent tears flowed as she reached for the front door. Her dropped bags were abandoned, as she fled the house and everyone it contained.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after....

She didn’t know where she was when she first awoke. Her bloodshot eyes adjusted to the brightness of the room. Her head pounded as she lifted it from the pillow. For a few blissful moments, everything was as it should be, but then the recollection of the night before flashed back to her. The vision of Delia with another woman exploded into her consciousness. Patsy’s stomach lurched and she was wracked with heaving sobs again. The door slowly opened and Patsy felt the bed sink next to her. She was being held tightly. Pain and hurt poured from her with every shudder.

“I know, I know sweetie,” came the calming voice that grasped Patsy.

Patsy clung on for dear life, her mind and body were swirling out of control and she didn’t know how to stop it. In her delirium last night she had stumbled to her best friend's house and broke down on the door step.

“This is all positively ghastly. Delia adores you and you her!” Trixie whispered into her hair. She too couldn’t stop the tears that were welling up for her friend and the heart-breaking situation.

“It took you both so long to get together properly, especially with your infuriating reluctance for labelling it a relationship,” she breathed into the top of Patsy’s head, “I just can’t believe Delia would do this!”

Patsy scrunched her eyes and agonisingly let the moment they met play out in her mind. How had it all gone so wrong?   

\---

By chance, Patsy had met Delia in a park where she was meeting Trixie for coffee. As she sat on a bench waiting for her best friend she breathed in the fresh spring air and pulled her coat a little tighter around her. She heard a distant ‘Sorry’ being shouted and suddenly a tennis ball landed with a thud at her feet. It was quickly followed by a scampering bundle of fluff that grabbed the ball in its mouth and deposited it into Patsy’s lap. Alarmed, Patsy looked down at the slobbery, half bitten ball and the expectant pup.

“I’m so, so sorry,” a voice shouted getting closer. Patsy looked from the present in her lap up to the owner of the voice. A sudden intake of breath revealed how Patsy felt at her first sight of Delia. The pretty brunette arrived, out of breath, at Patsy’s bench and reached down to grab the collar of her mischievous dog. Sheepishly, she looked up and her clear blue eyes locked onto Patsy’s.

“I’m not,” replied Patsy immediately in response to Delia’s apology. Delia dipped her eyes, a slight grin crossed her face revealing dimples in her flushed cheeks. Patsy had stunned herself with her unusual open admiration of a total stranger and immediately tried to back track.

Patsy stammered, “Erm…I….I’m not… sorry…that such a…a…cute bundle of fur wanted to say hello.” She could feel her blush creep up her neck as she gave the dog a playful rub. Thankfully Delia helped out the floundering red head.

“I’m looking after this crazy ball of chaos for a few weeks and we are struggling to establish who is in control!” she giggled, finally securing a lead onto its collar and ruffling the fur behind its ears. She extracted its paws off Patsy’s lap. “I don’t think I’m winning!” she smiled. Hearing Delia’s melodic welsh voice Patsy had been totally captivated.

“Oh, I don’t know, you seem to be doing a good job,” she smiled, tilting her head to one side. This time it was Delia blushing under Patsy’s scrutiny.

“I’m Delia,” she said extending her hand to break the tension. “Should I ever meet you again and my dog decides to drag you into a game!”

“Patsy…Patsy Mount,” replied the red head, taking Delia’s soft hand and shaking it warmly.  “If I’m around, I’d be delighted to join you.” Their eyes met again and held a fraction longer than expected.

“Okay…” Delia breathed, breaking another moment, “Maybe see you around, Patsy Mount!” With that she gently tugged on the lead and walked off. Patsy watched her retreat, trying to take in what had just happened. Her musing was interrupted by the voice of Trixie behind her, enquiring who she had been talking with. To this, Patsy stood up and looped arms with her best friend and began recalling the encounter with much enthusiasm.

 

Over the next two weeks Patsy had decided to take daily strolls around the park in hope that she might inadvertently bump into Delia again. After a week of missed opportunities, she was just about to leave when she saw a familiar figure across the lake. Delia too must have spotted her as she reversed her path so that she would intersect with the red head.  

“Patsy Mount, if I remember correctly!” beamed Delia as they approached each other. Delia’s dog bounded up to Patsy and started to entwine itself around her legs. “I wondered if I would see you again.”

Patsy tried to keep her smile contained. Delia was more delightful then she had remembered. Her deep dimples framed her smile and her bright blue eyes shone out under a dark fringe. “Delia, hi!” she returned. “I was just out taking a late afternoon walk…I didn’t expect to bump into you.” The twinkle in Delia’s eye revealing that she didn’t quite believe that suggestion, but she thought she’d go along with it, as she too had hoped to meet the red head again.

“We’re finished here; we’ve walked for ages and it’s starting to get dark. I was going to get a coffee at the place on the corner. It's dog friendly. Would you like to join me?” The cheeky smile was all the invitation Patsy needed, who happily accepted and they made their way out side by side.

\---

“If Delia calls, I don’t want to see her Trix…is that ok?” Patsy looked at her friend sitting on the bed next to her. Her eyes imploring. “I can’t. I just don’t know what to think or say to her yet.”

“Of course, anything you want honey. Has she been in contact?” Trixie flattened Patsy’s hair and ran a hand down her cheek.

“No, but she wasn’t expecting me back until later today anyway,” she sighed. “She obviously thought she had a free night and she could bring her…her…” Patsy trailed off, tears filling her eyes again.

“Sshhh, don’t do it to yourself Patsy,” soothed Trixie.

“It must be the new woman at work…I can’t think who else it could be. Delia has been talking about her and how ‘capable’ she was,” Patsy grimaced, thumping the bed. “I didn’t really take it in at the time…..Damn it, I should have. There’s been loads of evenings recently where she has had to work late or called off meeting up. Do you think she was sleeping with her then?”

“I don’t know honey,” Trixie whispered and took Patsy’s hands in hers. “I know you are hurting and that’s perfectly understandable, but I also know how much you love her and you need to talk to her at some point.”

Patsy dropped Trixie’s hands and turned her head away resigned, “It’s because I love her… _loved her_ …more than anything that this has destroyed me. Destroyed us. I don’t let people in Trix and I gave her all of me. I don’t think I will ever get over this.”  

Over the years Trixie had learnt when to give her friend space. She stood up, dropped a kiss on the top of her head and moved to the door, “I’ll get us some tea.”

Patsy slumped back down against the pillow and turned towards her phone. She had put it on silent the night before but it was blinking with a message. She lifted it up and her stomach lurched again. _Delia_. It only confirmed her worst feelings.

**_Pats were you here last night?! Your bags are in the hallway. Aren't you meant to be on a course?!_ **


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy sees Delia...

The doorbell of the Victorian townhouse rang and Trixie put down her dishcloth and went to answer it. She pulled open the heavy door to see the familiar face of Delia, wrapped in a coat with a thick scarf wrapped around her neck, slightly obscuring her mouth. She looked tired and slightly frayed.

“Hi Trixie,” she said anxiously, “Is Patsy here? I’m a bit worried about her. She isn’t answering her phone and she isn’t at home. Have you heard from her?” Delia looked at her with worried blue eyes.

“Hmmm…yes…she is fine…don’t worry Delia.” She half glanced over her shoulder as though Patsy was going to make an appearance behind her. Delia sighed with relief but then concern began to etch across her features again.

“I went by her house with her bags but she wasn’t there.” Delia peered over Trixie’s shoulder and continued, “I found them in the hallway abandoned…do you know why? She was meant to be on an overnight course. I..I…is she ok?” Delia gulped.

Trixie started to feel uneasy, “You need to talk to her yourself Delia. It isn’t my place.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t your place? Is she here? Can I see her?” Delia looked at her with pleading eyes.

“She’s not ready to talk to you yet…after what happened.” Trixie was unable to make eye contact with Delia and started to shut the door.

“What? Why not? What’s happened?”  Delia put her hand up to halt the door from closing, “You’re worrying me Trixie.”

“Because Delia…,” Trixie breathed out, trying to keep her poise.

“Let me in Trixie!” demanded Delia, her eyes fixed on Patsy’s best friend.

“I can’t…she won’t let me...I’m sorry,” Trixie went to close the door more firmly but hesitated, “She will talk to you but when she is ready. What you’ve done has devastated her.” With this she finally managed to close the door on Delia.

 

Patsy was at the top of the stairs having heard some of the exchange. She could see Delia’s outline through the frosted glass of the door. She remained in place for a minute staring ahead and then she turned and disappeared.   

“What did she want?” whispered Patsy hoarsely.

“She wanted you. She was worried because she can’t get hold of you,” Trixie replied.

Patsy rolled her eyes at this, “Is she going to carry on as if nothing has happened? Did she give any indication that I know about what she has been doing?”

“No Patsy, no…she seemed….” she trailed off looking at the ground for the right words. Trixie sighed, “This isn’t getting you anywhere.” Suddenly she looked up brightly, “Right Missy we need to get out of here. We are going to that coffee shop you like. You need some fresh air.”

“I’m not up for it Trix,” Patsy moaned, “I just want to stay here.”

“I’m not taking no for an answer…get your coat.” Trixie grabbed hers and jingled her car keys at a morose looking Patsy. A false bright smile painted on her face, “Now!”

 

Reluctantly Patsy went back into the bedroom to get her coat. She found her bag and phone and instinctively looked at it to check for messages. Delia had contacted her. _A number of times_.

**What is going on Pats?**

**\---**

**Are you ok? Please pick up your phone.**

**\---**

**Talk to me Pats!**

**\---**

**I’ve just seen Trixie. She says you are at hers and you don’t want to talk to me because of something I’ve done. Can you enlighten me…? I’ve only been to work and come home and somehow I’ve ‘devastated you’. Have I missed something important?!**

Patsy growled at the phone and threw it into her bag. Damn Delia. Why was she making this harder for her? Her denial hurt. She thought that Delia had more respect for her than that. They had gone through so much. If she didn’t want to be with her anymore and she was in love with someone else then she hoped that Delia would tell it to her straight. Surely she deserved that?

 

\---

The day was crisp and bright and getting out the house did more for Patsy than she would like to admit to Trixie. On entering the coffee shop, at the edge of the park, they were greeted by the strong rejuvenating aroma of coffee and freshly baked cakes. Patsy found a table in the corner, her back to the door and the rest of the shop, she didn’t feel like making eye contact with anyone she knew today, other than Trixie. Settling down, she shook out her tense shoulders. She was angry and hurt but she needed to hold it together for when she saw Delia. She wanted to be in control, she wanted Delia to admit her guilt. She wasn’t going to get into any mind games and she certainly wasn’t going to beg. Trixie returned to the table with two mugs of coffee and a plate of pastries.

“I thought you might be hungry,” Trixie said placing the plate on the table. Patsy smiled her thanks and realising that she was hungry, got to work on the flaked goods in front of her. They began to talk about different topics, Trixie carefully engineering the conversation so that Patsy did not have time to think about what was at the forefront of her mind. Trixie could see her best friend slowly regain some of the measured composure that she was famed for. Witnessing her breaking down had torn Trixie apart. This was not her best friend. Patsy was steadfast, dependable and always emotionally solid. Knowing that Delia had the ability to rip her apart and destroy Patsy made her bristle with anger.

As Patsy finished the last of the cinnamon whirl and wiped her fingers muttering how good it was, Trixie smiled warmly and glanced up to the serving counter behind a pillar. Her face paled. _Oh no._

“Trixie?” Patsy had seen Trixie’s demeanour go from relaxed to rigid. Her face was visibly whiter than before. “What’s wrong?” Patsy went to turn, to follow Trixie’s eye line, but Trixie reached out and stayed her shoulder from turning.

“Maybe you shouldn’t look,” Trixie hesitated and gulped.

“Why not?!” It took her a moment but as realisation dawned, Patsy features went from concern to panic through to anger.

“Who is she with Trixie?” Patsy demanded. Trixie flicked a look towards the counter and directly back to her best friend, she didn’t know what to say for the best. 

Patsy’s glare bore into Trixie, “Who Trixie? Tell me now!” Trixie didn’t know the woman, it could be anyone with Delia.

“I don’t recognise her, but then I haven’t met all of Delia’s friends,” Trixie flustered.

“Fuck,” Patsy exhaled. Her anger starting to boil inside her, “ _Fuck_. Is she blonde?” demanded Patsy. Resolutely refusing to turn around just yet.

“Ummm…It’s hard to see under her hat,” Trixie returned. Trying to be positive.

“Tell me Trix,” Patsy begged.

 

Awkwardly, Trixie started to give a commentary of events, “Oh they’re sitting down now…she’s taking off her beanie… ah…umm…yes…she is blonde. Is that her Patsy? Is that Delia’s other woman?” Trixie asked, eyes now transfixed on the person sat opposite Delia next to the steamed-up window of the coffee shop. Patsy stole a glance around the pillar and saw Delia deep in conversation with the woman Patsy had seen more than enough of the other night straddling _her_ Delia. Her insides twisted with revulsion and a hint of jealousy. Did this woman mean more to Delia than her? Her head snapped back and she breathed out slowly.

“Yes, that is _the_ woman Trixie, although last time I saw her she had considerably less clothes on.” She closed her eyes tightly and Trixie placed a hand on her forearm and squeezed it reassuringly.

“If it gives you any consolation Patsy, I don’t think they are having a good time of it and Delia looks really rough.” Trixie watched as an exhausted looking Delia talked animatedly to the blonde woman who seemed to visibly shrink at her words. The blonde sat up and placed a hand over Delia’s, making Delia look her in the eye.

“What are they doing?” Patsy hissed through clenched teeth.

“Do you want me to give you my honest opinion?” Trixie asked, eyebrows arched, Patsy nodded. “Looking at their body language, if it was just any random couple I was watching, I would say they were breaking up,” she glanced hesitantly back at Patsy, “I’m sorry.”

Patsy pursed her lips and suddenly announced, “I’m leaving!” She turned in her seat to grab her coat off the back of the chair. She didn’t want to be there any longer, especially if they were intruding on a ‘moment’ between the new couple.

Trixie looked alarmed, “They will see us leave Patsy.

“I don’t care Trix, I’m not being in the same place as them as they sort out whatever there is between them. She should be doing that with me, not _her_.” Patsy pulled on her jacket and picked up her bag. “Are you driving me home or do I need to get the tube?” Her tone almost a challenge to Trixie.

“Hold on, I’ll drive you,” returned Trixie. Patsy didn’t hold on, with determination she strode towards the door past Delia’s table. She gave a side glance to the table containing the two women. She could see Delia’s delicate hand being held affectionately, the other woman’s thumb stroking her knuckles. Patsy’s eyes locked with her with girlfriend’s, they flickered with jealousy, anger and hurt from the betrayal. It took a fraction of a second for Delia to register who she was looking at, confusion crossed her features and instinctively she snatched her hand back from the blonde that sat opposite her.

“Patsy?” she whispered, as she spun in her chair. Patsy didn’t hear, she was already through the door and marching to where Trixie had parked the car. Patsy heard the door close behind her and could feel tears prickle her eyes. _Damn you Delia_. Her insides were crumbling, but she held it together long enough to climb into the passenger side of car.

“Oh God, Patsy, that was awful,” Trixie breathed sliding herself into the driving seat and turning the ignition with haste.

Swinging out the coffee shop after them, Delia made straight for the car which contained the two friends. Trixie had jammed it into first and was just about to pull out the car park when Delia slammed both hands down on the bonnet and stood resolute in front of the car.

“Patience Elizabeth Mount, get out of the car!” Patsy didn’t want to acknowledge Delia so continued to look through her, straight ahead. “I’m not moving until you finally talk to me. What the hell is going on with you?”

The question seemed to snap Patsy out of her trance and she looked Delia in the eye. “What?!” she shouted, her voice muffled by the engine noise. Delia didn’t flinch, she stood her ground. “With me?!” Patsy returned incredulously, shaking her head, “Drive Trixie, just drive!”

“I can’t Patsy. Your girlfriend is virtually lying on the bonnet. I can’t move. Unless you want me to run her over, I’m not sure what to do!” Patsy gave Trixie a withering look which seemed to imply to drive, regardless of Delia.

Trixie tutted and decided to take matters into her own hands by pressing the button to unwind the passenger’s window. This startled Patsy and made Delia immediately shoot to the left-hand side of the vehicle. Patsy started to fumble for the window switch, but Delia seized her chance. Holding onto the edge of the window Delia leaned in slightly.

“Pat’s, why won’t you talk to me. I can’t bare it. How can I put something right when I don’t know what I have done?” Delia wiped away tears that were rolling down her cheeks. For a second, Patsy’s frosty resolve melted and she longed to reach out and dab away the tears of her girlfriend. She hated seeing her in pain. Then a voice calling out reminded her why she couldn’t.

“Delia, are you alright? Do you need me?” The blonde woman said with concern, walking purposefully toward them. Patsy looked at her and scowled.

“Go back to her Delia," she spat, "You’d much rather be sorting things out with her!”

“What?” Delia looked confused, “With Millie?” She took a step back and looked between the approaching blonde woman and then down again at Patsy.

“Please just have the decency to be honest with me Delia. I think I’ve earned that right with you. If you are wanting to be with someone else just tell me. I am a grown up.” Patsy implored.

“I really _don’t_ know what you are talking about Patsy,” Delia returned, arms out stretched. This only went to incense Patsy further.

“C’mon Delia”, Patsy hissed, “Stop denying it! I saw you both the other night. In your house. In your bed. You most certainly know each other very well. How long has it been going on?” Delia took a step back, hands over her mouth. Eyes wide.  

“Actually, I don’t want to know how long I’ve been sharing you with someone else,” Patsy continued.

Delia reached out a hand towards Patsy, her voice shaking, “Patsy, please…listen to me!”

With resignation Patsy looked at girlfriend, then issued a plea to Trixie, “Please can we go?”

“Of course,” returned Trixie with sincerity.

With that, Trixie slammed the gear stick into first and pulled out the car park, leaving Delia behind. Patsy looked in the side mirror at the receding figure of Delia. Her shoulders were slumped and she could see she was sobbing. As the figure of Delia’s other woman came into view, Patsy looked away so she didn’t have to watch her pulling Delia into a tight loving hug.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter coming soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is revealed.

Finding and packing Delia’s belongings into boxes didn’t feel as cathartic as Patsy had hoped. She knew it seemed a little sudden and dramatic but that was the mood she was in. She wasn’t a fool and she felt that Delia had treated her like one. She wanted everything gone. She wanted to be clear of Delia Busby.

 

However much she kept telling herself this, unfortunately each item she placed in the box unlocked a shared memory of Delia and it made her heart ache. Small things, like her favourite mug that she drank tea from; the variety of bed socks that she would wear, as her feet were always cold, even in summer. Patsy realised how much of Delia’s belongings were here and how much their lives were interwoven with each other. She picked up a scarf that she bought her last year and ran it through her fingers. Patsy closed her eyes and held it close, breathing in Delia’s scent. Tears pooled in Patsy’s eyes. The initial anger she felt after the car park altercation was subsiding and grief was replacing it. Grief for her relationship with the only woman she knew she could truly love. It was going to be hard getting over Delia. She wondered if she ever really would. At this thought, she straightened up, wiped her eyes and took a steadying breath.

 

As she pulled her red hair into a pony tail to continue, the door-bell rang. Patsy huffed and placed down the stack of books that she was sorting through. She would rather not see anyone at that moment, as she wasn’t in the best frame of mind. She’d get rid of them quick and get back to her melancholy. On opening the front door Patsy froze. She was not expecting to see the two figures that stood there. Unbelievably, the blonde woman, whose image had been seared into Patsy’s mind ever since seeing her being intimate with Delia, was looking back at her. Nervousness written on her face. Patsy’s eyes widened in shock. What was she doing here? Her heart constricted. Stood next to her, on _her_ doorstep was Delia. Next to her new love.

Only it wasn’t…the dark hair was the same shade and length as Delia’s, the height the same but where clear blue eyes should be looking at her there was dark brown.

“Who..are..?!” Spluttered Patsy.

“Hi Patsy,” apologetic brown eyes peered up at her under thick lashes. The welsh lilt was unmistakable. Patsy couldn’t prevent the intake of breath that responded to hearing it. Her heart pounded and her limbs felt weak. She had to hold onto the door frame to support herself.

“Tell her,” a familiar voice, hidden somewhere behind the pair, spoke determinedly.

Agonising clarity crashed over Patsy and she felt nausea churning in her stomach. Had she made an unforgivable mistake?

“We are _really_ sorry Patsy, truly we are,” pleaded the brunette. She flicked a look to the woman next to her and reached out for her hand. “We never meant to cause any pain for you or Delia. We didn’t know you’d be at hers that night. We hadn’t seen each other for a while and well…we got carried away.”

“I’m sorry but… _who_ are you?” Breathed out Patsy distraught.

“She’s my bloody cousin Pats..,” said the aggrieved voice of Delia, who had now climbed up the steps and was standing directly behind the couple, “…and both have done enough damage, that they are now leaving, so _we_ can get this sorted.” Delia glared at the two of them and they both looked down sheepishly, taking this as their cue to leave. Turning on their heels, the blonde woman paused and appealed to the stony-faced Delia,

“Delia, I’m so sorry, I really am,” she squeezed Delia arm to try to make amends. However, as the shame faced paired took their exit, Delia only had eyes for Patsy. Her crystal blue eyes were set hard and filled with disappointment. She strode past Patsy into the house and said firmly,

“We’re not doing this on the doorstep. Get in Pats!”

 

\---

 

As Delia walked into the lounge she peeled off her coat and unwound her scarf, taking in the sight of Patsy’s packing. Her incredulous eyes saw that Patsy was boxing up her belongings. Gesticulating around her, she fumed,

“What the hell are you doing here? You’re packing me up out of your life?!”

Patsy could do nothing but gulp, the events of the last few minutes had sent her spinning. She was still reeling from finding out that Delia was never in that bed, it never was her hand exploring the woman that Patsy couldn’t stop thinking about for days. 

“Seriously Pats. You really don’t waste time, do you?” Her tone was challenging and bristling with hurt and anger. “Were you going to talk to me about all of this? Or, had you decided our future and that’s that?”

Delia sunk onto edge of the sofa, her head dropping into her hands. Patsy wanted to go and comfort her but she couldn’t move. She didn’t know if it would be well received at this point in time. Delia was seething with anger and disappointment. She looked up from her hands at Patsy.

“What makes me mad Patsy, is that you didn’t trust me. You immediately thought the worst of me.”

Patsy looked down, unable to make eye contact with Delia, shame consumed her. Delia was right, she’d jumped to the worst possible conclusions. However, how else was she to react on seeing what she thought she’d witnessed in Delia’s bed?

“I’m sorry Deels,” Patsy whispered, “The evidence seemed pretty damning at the time.”

Delia stood up angrily, “It wasn’t me! _Damn_ you, Patsy Mount. I wouldn’t do that. For sure, you saw two people screwing in my bed. I understand how it _might_ have looked but it _wasn’t_ me. It doesn’t justify how you’ve put me through hell these last few days.” Delia began to pace, listing the ways that Patsy had refused to engage with her, “You didn’t return my calls or texts. You refused to see me at Trixie’s, you ran out the coffee shop. That’s not how to sort out a problem.”

Patsy took in all of Delia’s heated words. Her mind was racing, her heart pounding with fear that everything had been destroyed. She knew she had handled it all wrong.

“I would never be unfaithful. I need to be with someone who would never doubt that,” Delia implored staring directly at Patsy. A hint of desperation creeping into her voice.  

 

Patsy knew this was her chance to say the right thing to get Delia to see it from her side too. An opportunity to make amends. To save what they had. To not lose Delia. She sank to her knees, consumed with shame, hurt and worry. The myriad of feelings that Patsy had experienced over the last few days ripped through her again. Unable to compose herself, she broke down clutching her stomach and sobbed heart wrenching tears. She sobbed for the memory of seeing Delia with someone else; the realisation that she wasn’t wanted anymore. For the gut-wrenching unfairness and for giving herself completely to someone and thinking that it wasn’t enough. 

Patsy wanted to put all this into words but they didn’t come. She could only manage a single line through gasps of hurt.

“I thought I’d lost you Delia. Just as I lose everyone I love.” She wrapped her arms around herself and curled tight into a ball. She began rocking slightly to comfort herself. A moment that felt like forever passed, then Patsy felt a warm hand placed on her back.

 

“Sit up cariad,” the soft voice that accompanied the touch, was the sweetest sound that Patsy had ever heard. She slowly rose to kneeling and saw Delia crouched in front of her. Her previously hard face had softened and Patsy looked deep into the eyes of the woman she couldn’t be without.

“You need to understand that I am not going anywhere Patsy. I know you have issues from the past but I thought we’d worked through that. Your self-doubt about our relationship and my feelings for you are so bloody infuriating.” Delia placed a hand on Patsy's tear stained cheek, “You need to let me in.”

“I have let you in, that’s why your betrayal ripped me apart.” Patsy replied through sniffs.

“Hmmm…” Delia’s eyebrows suddenly arched.

“Sorry…’supposed’ betrayal, Patsy added quickly. She took a breath and began in earnest, “I love you Delia, with my whole heart. There will never be anyone else for me. I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry that I didn’t give you the opportunity to explain yourself. That was unfair of me. I’m sorry that I put you through unnecessary hurt.”

“…and put me in a ridiculous position with my cousin,” added Delia. Who removed her hand from Patsy’s cheek and sat back down on her knees.

“Ah yes, your cousin….” Patsy smiled slightly, “How many do you actually have Delia?! It seems endless and…why do you all look so bloody similar?”

“Busby genes” Delia half laughed. “You should see her sister, now there is a dead ringer for me!” she trailed off, “Although she is married… _to a man_...so you wouldn’t have been too confused there!”

 

Patsy looked apologetic again, “Is she and…Millie… _is it?_ …OK?”

“Well…they are fine. They had to listen to endless hours of my heart ache and drivel but it wasn’t until after seeing you at the coffee shop that we all finally understood what the hell was going on. That wasn’t fun…trust me.” Delia placed her hands in her lap and glanced down.

“I’ve been busy at work Pats, I probably forgot to tell you my cousin was staying. She had a job interview here in London, so she can move closer to Millie. I said to stay with me for a few days. Due to your course, I knew I wouldn’t be seeing you for some of it, so I thought it would be nice to catch up with her.”

Patsy cleared her throat, “It was cancelled…the course.”

Delia nodded and added quietly, “I guessed, when I saw your bags.”

 

Patsy reached out to take Delia’s hands in hers. They felt small and fragile. Just as their relationship did right now. “I need to put this right Delia. If you would let me?”

Delia’s smile was faint, “It’s going to be difficult. I’ve got to trust _you_ again Patsy. We need to take it slowly. Step by step.”

“Of course, whatever you want and need,” Patsy acquiesced.

“Well, you can start by unpacking some of my belongings, unless this is your way of saying that my things are tat!” An easy smile broke out on Delia’s face, as she held up a garish ornament that had found its way to Patsy’s, after she had won it in a charity work raffle. 

“No never, that’s always been delightful,” Patsy replied with a lopsided smile, “I love having that here!”

“Liar!” Delia teased, as she reached into the box and pulled out another part of her life to unwrap with Patsy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your great comments on my first fic. It has been fun writing it over the festive period. Delia could never be unfaithful...could she?!
> 
> I am deciding what to write next, but with a return to work, I think it may take longer to produce!


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